“Just because you can’t plan everything, doesn’t mean you can’t be ready for something.” - Charles Hunt (TEDx)
Life challenges us everyday. From minor setbacks like spilling coffee on our shirt before a meeting, to the more tragic and traumatic events that stop us in our tracks, adversity demands change. And as we well know, lacks the courtesy of showing up in predictable, well-measured doses.
Individually, and as a society, we struggle with the curve balls of life, and perhaps now more than ever. The Australian Bureau of Statistics has revealed anxiety as the most prevalent mental health condition affecting, on average, 1 in 4 Australians and depression affecting, on average, 1 in 7 Australians.
These statistics indicate we may not be coping as well as we’d like when it comes to managing our increasingly complex, and demanding lives. And yet, there are always people who astound us with their ability to overcome extreme trials and tribulations, and ultimately, better their lives. Having fallen down a hole, these people have learnt how to get themselves out quickly and efficiently. They have cultivated resilience.
1 - Challenge your Thoughts
“The fact that the mind rules the body is…the most fundamental fact which we know about the process of life.” - Dr Franz Alexander
You may be familiar with the saying that nothing is ever as bad as you think it is. Therefore, it is worth examining your thoughts before blindly accepting them as truth. Where do they come from? Who put them there? Our beliefs about our ability to cope with the struggles of life are influenced (more than we know) by our environment; not only by the thoughts/opinions of our family, friends and loved ones, but by the values and expectations imposed on us by society (Olsson et al, 2003). Leading media and advertisement author Jean Kilbourne reveals that we are subjected to over 3,000 ads per day. In essence, these ads always highlight the same thing: your life is missing something. You don’t have it all together, and how could you? You don’t have the perfect job, right education, fulfilling relationship, bikini body, winning smile or trendy wardrobe. When you believe the false messages that you are incomplete, you are encouraged to search outside of yourself for the answer. You reach to pills, the doctor, anyone or anything that can help you cope when adversity comes your way. Knowing that you already have everything you need to get you through any situation, is the first step towards resilience. In flow, we refer to this as control of your inner life, and it is integral to a happy, harmonious existence.
So for this month of March, make a commitment to yourself that when adversity strikes you will not get swept up by a whirlwind of toxic thoughts and dumped far out at sea.
Instead, give yourself a moment to stop, breathe, and critically ask, “By me feeling miserable about myself, who stands to gain?
Are the thoughts I am having going to help me grow, or help me stay the victim?”
Take control and guard your inner world.
2 - Flip it Around
Sometimes it just feels like we’re a target. One thing happens after the next in a string of ‘bad luck’ incidents and we find ourselves exclaiming, “Why me?!”
The important thing here is to learn not to perceive such incidents as personal threats. Don’t ‘own’ the problem. Things happen irrespective of whether they are convenient for you or not, and may in fact, be entirely unrelated to you and your actions.
If we take negative events personally, we often respond in fear. And fear is a paralysing, demoralising place to be because it strips us of feeling in control of our lives and our actions. It prevents us from coping in a transformational way.
On the other hand, taking a healthy, objective stance to a problem helps us stay connected with the ‘big picture’. Stepping away from our ego, allows us to consider that perhaps there was a greater purpose behind our setback in the larger scheme of things. Not only can this help to alleviate our burden and pain, but it enables us to remain in flow with life. Keeping perspective and staying present (not internally obsessed) means a solution will more readily appear.
Founder of flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, urges, “Almost every situation we encounter in life presents possibilities for growth.” See adversity as a challenge, not an attack.
3 - Stay Connected
The most important protective factor to stress and disadvantage that emerged from the current research was ‘connectedness’. In ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ Brené Brown described this as a ‘spirituality’ separate from religion or theology. Rather, a belief of shared connection with a greater, more powerful source and with other beings, rooted in love and compassion.
In recent studies exploring preventative measures for adolescent anxiety and depression, it was found that level of ‘school connectedness’ was the strongest independent predictor of future depressive symptoms (Ian Shochet et al, 2006). Here, school connectedness was defined as the extent to which students believed they were a valued part of their school and classroom.
Ultimately, the need to feel connected to others and to a higher purpose is not unique. And experiencing this ‘connectedness’ is more than just having a positive outlook. It is a deeply-held trust, respect and faith within ourselves and for others, that aligns us with the greater purpose of our lives.
Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross: “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only when there is a light within.”
Practice resilience and stay lit from within!